Dating after Death

I recently read Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert's latest book. You probably recognize her name from her  best seller, Eat, Pray, Love, wherein she eventually finds her soulmate, Filipe. After a whirlwind courtship followed by the mutual declaration of their undying love his US visa is revoked. Homeland security proclaims they must marry if he is to remain in the states. During the many months it takes to process his background check, they live in Thailand and travel throughout southeast Asia. Ms Gilbert uses this time to investigate the various views about marriage through several cultural lenses This is important to her because she must now, after a tumultuous first marriage and divorce, recant her adamant declaration to never marry again! And she needs to find a strong and valid reason for making this commitment anew.

During her search for the universal support of matrimony, she discovers the practice of taking a "ghost husband". It seems in China for a woman to establish herself in society or business she must be married. Not all women want to marry so hence the invention of the ghost husband. I visualize the bride-to-be scouring the local cemetery in nuptial garb with bridal party in tow for what I would assume is the most promising stiff she can dig up and become Mrs. Rigor Mortis. Actually, she is looking for a name to take for the ceremony.

In America, we have a custom very similar to this: online dating.

Millions of women of all ages, races, religions and socio-economic backgrounds scour our versions of the local graveyard: bars, gyms, and the produce section in grocery stores. The truly desperate sign up for classes in dry subjects haunted by men like Military History, or Stock Market Analysis; the hope is of course to find that elusive candidate for courtship, or as we romantics like to say, our soulmate. Once you enter the senior dating arena, bars and gyms are mostly out and the only section in the grocery store that might produce a viable date will be the OTCs: Polydent, Metamucil, Bengay and something to cure foot fungus.

Wait 'til you move into the 65 to 80 year old dating range. The term ghost husband is not a stretch or a myth. And at times, death seems far more exciting than what is available online in the Senior Dating Olympics. Suddenly, men in their late sixties and seventies have been re-invented, rejuvenated, and re-constituted. They work out 3 or 4 times a week at the gym, and have taken up roller blading and French cookery. These are the same men who we were married to for thirty or forty years who couldn't manage to pick up their socks or open a box of cereal, and fell asleep in front of the tv before nine in the evening. Now they want to go out for dinner, dancing, share a glass of wine, and get this-they want to hear all about you. Right!

Also, don't be discouraged to learn that some of these gentlemen are looking for women 25 to 35 years younger. As men age, their brain cells begin to desiccate in the presence of younger women; they fail to function rationally, and often believe they're studs. This usually passes after an afternoon of roller blading.

We're still dating the same homo sapiens, many not so sapien, but the very same guys we went to high school with. They haven't changed much, only their financial and follicle status.

I read the enticement of one online lothario who had recently been advised by his physician that in the future he would need someone to accompany him to medical procedures. So Casanova in his profile makes this suggestion for a first date: "I thought we could go by the hospital (notice the casual implication of this) and I'll have a colonoscopy and then we could go out for a light dinner".  I  solemnly swear on my Senior People Meet membership this to be true.

The guys we were married to who were boring and boorish as heck have evolved, and perhaps it's time we face the obvious: we were holding these intellectually curious, sensitive, and cultured souls back from fulfilling their true destiny:  a Bruce Springsteen/Mahatma Ghandi/Clint Eastwood composite.

Whatever your taste in men, they're out there and for the price of membership in an online dating site or if you're not too picky or sensitive to surprises, like sudden death, you too can be whisked away into a fantasy of romance and spiritual fulfillment maybe not by the man of your dreams, but one who can still drive at night and can remember your name and number. Just be careful and know that the one you got rid of, when all is said and done, might be the best one.